


Indubitably

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Gen Fic, Humor, Pre-Canon, Puberty, female genitals are terrifying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-13
Updated: 2012-11-13
Packaged: 2017-11-18 14:24:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/562028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At an early age, Dave Strider decided that he wanted nothing to do with vaginas.</p><p>No main pairings. Friendship/Brotherly fic. Fluff and humour.</p><p>(Another late-night fic.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Indubitably

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't sleep until I had this all written out, it's 2:40AM here and I have an exam in seven-eight hours so...
> 
> Enjoy.

**_Six_ **

****

“Vaginas are scary.” Little six year old Dave comments out of the blue one day, and using a pair of chopsticks with two hands to swirl the noodles in the bowl. The broth steamed and fogged up his little pointy shades.

 

“Amen.” Bro agrees absently. Then:

 

“Wait, _what?_ Dave, who taught you that word?” He demands, looking up from his Chinese takeout to stare at his adoptive little brother.

 

“You did.” Dave replies.

 

Oh.

 

“Ah...” The older Strider was stumped - a rare feat in itself. Nobody has ever managed that in many years... and a _six year old_ finally rendered him speechless by a simple response. “Well... Why do you think they’re scary?”

 

“Why do _you_ think they’re scary?” The little smartass returns.

 

“I never said I was _scared_ of vaginas.”

 

“But you just said ‘amen’! That means you think they’re scary, too!” Dave exclaims, pointing one of the chopsticks at Bro. This entire conversation is getting ridiculous.

 

“Well I lied. Vaginas are pretty cool.” Bro intended on ending that conversation there, but Dave would have none of that.

 

“But _why?_ "

 

“When you’re older, kid.”

 

Dave, knowing when to finally stop, goes back to eating his noodles. The incident was quickly forgotten by Bro.

 

\--

 

**_Ten_ **

 

Bro looks up from his video camera and raises an eyebrow as Dave comes stumbling into his room, all pale and shaken up.

 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Bro deadpans.

 

The ten year old swallows and opens his mouth, but whatever he wanted to say wouldn’t come out. He shut his mouth again with a click and shook his head.

 

“Hey,” His older brother’s voice drops down to a more soothing tone. He sits up on the bed and pats the spot next to him. “What’s up? You can tell me.”

 

A flashstep later and Dave is by his side, hugging him around the waist and still looking pretty traumatised. Bro wraps his arm around the boy’s tiny frame and rubs his upper arm reassuringly.

 

“Are you alright? Shh...” He coos, leaning down and burying his nose into his soft hair. “What’s wrong, little man? Stop shaking.”

 

Dave presses his face against Bro’s shirt and muffles something out.

 

“What?”

 

“I said,” Dave repeats, pulling away and taking a shuddering breath. His voice drops down to a fearful whisper, “Vaginas are _scary_.”

 

A second passes, and then another. After a few moments of tense silence Bro breaks it with an almost-hysterical laugh. The older Strider lies back down on the bed and peals of laughter escape his mouth, his whole body shaking with mirth.

 

“What? _It’s not funny!”_ Dave yelps, blushing furiously. “I... they fucking _bleed_.”

 

Bro manages to get out a _‘watch your language’_ through his chortles before quickly calming down. He shoots a confused grin at the glaring younger Strider.

 

“What brought this on?”

 

Dave cringes, “Well, you may not remember this, but I said the same thing four years ago. But that was because I accidentally saw this porno on some older student’s laptop at the school and... and that vagina was _eating_ that man’s wiener and-- _Stop fucking laughing!_ ”

 

Bro lets another few chuckles out before calming down. “Y-Yeah, and?” He wheezes.

 

“And now,” Dave looks absolutely terrified, “I was talking to Rose and she said that vaginas bleed when girls hit puberty and I’m just like _freaking out_ ‘cause like oh my God do boys suddenly _pee blood_ or have _bloody diarrhoea_ when they hit puberty, and I was just so scared that I ran away from the computer instead of asking her outright-- _DIDN’T I TELL YOU TO STOP LAUGHING, BRO?!_ ”

 

Dave glares furiously at his hysterical guardian. Bro’s grin was so wide and his face was red from all the laughing. After a few more moments he calmed down enough to form a coherent sentence.

 

“Okay.” Bro says breathlessly. “Okay...”

 

He slowly props himself back up into a sitting position and lets out a heavy sigh.

 

“Dave, I’m going to be completely serious.” Bro says, and Dave nods quickly. “Boys don’t bleed.”

 

 _“Oh thank God!”_ Dave practically collapses onto the bed in relief. Bro snorts at the dramatic action, “But... does that mean...?”

 

“Usually every month.” Bro nods solemnly, and his younger brother looks at him with a wide-eyed expression.“It’s normal and part of the natural process of growing up... But don’t expect _me_ to explain it all to you! I’m an expert on male anatomy - not so much female.”

 

Dave slowly responds with a nod, still looking uncertain but marginally less paler than before.

 

“You can read a book about it in the library or read it on the internet.” Bro adds.

 

“Uh... maybe not now.” Dave replies quickly, “Vaginas are still really fucking scary.”

 

“Language,” Bro reminds absently, lost in thought. Finally, a slow grin starts forming on his face, but the intent was lost on Dave.

 

“But! If you ever feel the need to educate yourself, there’s a documentary about this sort of thing...”

 

\--

 

**_Twelve_ **

 

Without looking, Bro catches the DVD case Dave tried to chuck at his head. He glances at the cover, and then Dave - but he quickly made a double take when his brain processed what DVD it was.

 

“You asshole!” The twelve year old screams as Bro collapses onto the ground in hysterical laughter. “That wasn’t a documentary!”

 

“Of course it wasn’t!” Bro wheezes, holding up the DVD case. The title _‘Teeth’_ was visible in clear white lettering on the front. Dave cringes, “It’s a fucking movie! Or did you not see the adult rating on it? I’m surprised you remembered the title after two years.”

 

“I thought the labelling was a mistake or something!”

 

That only served to feed Bro’s relentless laughter even more, “Hey, shut the fuck up!”

 

The older Strider didn’t even bother correcting the younger’s language, too breathless to make a reply.

 

Dave shakes his head in disgust and exasperation, “Vaginas are _still_ fucking scary, Bro.” He states before marching back to his room.

 

“After that movie? I’m not surprised!” Bro chortles.

 

\--

 

**_Sixteen_ **

 

“So...”

 

“Uh...”

 

Dirk stops himself at the same time Dave did. The Knight of Time looks hesitant for a second, before steeling himself and holding out a hand. Dirk swore that he saw the other boy’s eyes flash with determination behind his aviators before a clever flash of neon hid his eyes from view again.

 

“Dave Strider.” He introduces, and Dirk tentatively accepts the hand. Their skin was the same fair shade, numerous freckles dotting both their arms. Not to mention the hair, too... They really were related.

 

“Dirk Strider.” The Alpha kid returns, before eventually smiling in a somewhat shy manner. He watches as Dave’s shoulders marginally relaxed and he matches Dirk’s smile with a grin of his own. “So, uh... I’m not your brother - the one that took care of you - but... I was hoping we could still be friends?”

 

Dave snorts in amusement, “Dirk, you ain’t my _Bro_ , but you’re still my _brother_. Do you mind if I call you Bro sometimes?”

 

Dirk’s smile widens and his eyes crinkle behind his pointy shades, “Only if I get to call you Bro in return.”

 

“Deal.” They fistbumped in agreement.

 

The duo began walking through Roxy’s planet, intent on finding their other friends. An easy silence remained between them as they strolled in between the pyramids. Dave was taking in the sights, flashes of pink and cyan reflecting on his shades.

 

“So... what was your Bro like?” Dirk asks out of the blue, curiosity lacing his tone.

 

The Beta Strider laughs, “A total asshole at times, but a great brother.” Dave turns to look at him and his smile lessens, “You never knew my counterpart, did you?”

 

Dirk shakes his head, not at all bothered by the question. After all, he never knew the man personally; he only had his legacy, achievements and stuff he left behind to remember him by. Alpha Bro Strider was a sly, courageous man with a great sense of humour, and enough balls to rebel against the Batterwitch. Kudos to Roxy’s mom, too, Dirk adds as an afterthought.

 

“Nah,” The words were casual and honest, “Just me and Rox as the only humans left on that waterlogged Earth. But I knew one thing,” Dirk grins, “Our ancestors were badass motherfuckers.”

 

Dave whistles, “Damn. Now _that’s_ what I like to hear.” And Dirk laughs, surprising himself at how easy it was to let his guard down around the other Strider. The thought that he finally had _family_ brought a warm feeling to his chest.

 

“Tell me about yourself.” Dave demands, eager to learn about his long-lost brother. His wandering eyes tore away from the gaudy pyramids to face Dirk.

 

The Alpha kid hums in thought, “Well... I don’t know what to say, really.”

 

“Start small... like hobbies,”

 

Well, alright. He could work with that, “I make robots.”

 

“Really? You and Jade’ll get along in that department, then.” Dave smiles affectionately at the thought of the cheery Space player.

 

Dirk notices, “Are you and Ms. Harley...?” He trails off, thinking about his own thing with Jake.

 

The Beta kid actually _flinches_ at the question, and before Dirk could question him Dave shakes his head violently.

 

“No, no. Oh _God_ no.” Dave shudders - honest-to-goodness _shudders_ \- and rubs his upper arm nervously. “I... Jade’s a great gal, really, but... No.”

 

“Why?”

 

Dave sighs and lowers his shades, red eyes dead serious. “Because vaginas are fucking scary.”

 

And Dirk knew this was the start of a beautiful friendship.

**Author's Note:**

> /conks out


End file.
